Last night I triangulated! I emerged from history (my bed, at midnight) and went out and triangulated! This is such a personal triumph that I will follow my dearest friend’s advice and get political. Donald Trump is a monumental cunt, a pseudo-orange idiot who was conceived when Uranus drunkenly descended to earth and stuck his celestial dick into the sliding doors of Lidl in the misguided belief that there was a special discount on bananas (there wasn’t). In the meantime, the idyllic exclave of UK did something called Brexit because they were beguiled by the racist magick of IT and now they do good accountancy and money tricks for banana derivatives and foreign funds of the heart. Meanwhile Putin invaded an exotic little recess in the back of his head and it was a great success. The tanks rolled in, the cameras rolled, there was a lot of rolling, but best of all the death tolling was quite low (according to RT). In other news Jimmy Saville was awarded a knighthood but then it was unceremoniously snatched away. Apple no longer primarily meant fruit according to certain skewed algorithms. China got so big that America set up a special committee devoted to sabotaging the space-time continuum. Germany made sturdy cars and terabytes of porn. France made annoying sounds and unconvincing gestes. AIDS raided a body bank and got away with it. Gold dutifully did what it was told. Silicon formed a valley in which some tits grew mysteriously big overnight. Politics flourished like never before. Not since the polis of Athens has democracy been so inclined towards certain measures pertaining to action intended to forestall the warming of our global hearts.